Category: Dating and Relationships
Hey I was just wondering what everyone thought about feminism in relationships. does the woman obsessing over women's rights kinda take the flame from the relationship? Is there a difference between a woman being strong and confident as a female, and being way too feminist. does it ruin relationships. How?
Jessie
It sure can, not because of the rights, but just like any religion, the person is looking at everyone else - in this case the man in question - through some really really narrow glasses: all men are pigs, you're a pig, all men don't do this, or they do do that, if the guy works hard, he's a pig for staying out too long. If he doesn't work hard, he's a pig for not working hard ... so yes, but not because of women's rights, but because of zeal itself.
Zealots by their nature and definition ruin and destroy relationships and everything else around them, if they can at all help it.
Just my thoughts.
feminism won't ruin any relationship I'm in because I'll never date a femmenist.
Anything in extremism can ruin a relationship. Someone who is extreme in their beliefs, be they religious, feminist, obsessed with some group/organization they're a part of, and so forth, can cause problems in a relationship when their partner does not share the extremity of said beliefs. I guess the key is to know the beliefs of the person you are dating, and to see if they are compatible with your own.
So, I think your concept can be applied to anything, not just feminism itself. I'm all for women's rights and equality, God knows. But I don't believe I obsess over it. At least that's not been a complaint in the relationships I've been in.
Yeah that's true, I guess any obsession could possibly ruin a relationship. But I'm talking about feminism because it seems like that's the one thing in particular that could destroy the feelings between a woman and man. I am only talking man-woman relationships because this subject overall can make things real touchy between two people of different sexes. Just thought I'd make sure that was clearly my point. There are still plenty of men out there, even if they don't admit it, who are either against or kinda iffy on 100% equality for women, and there are plenty of feminists. Two of 'em are bound to get together, and they always do because there are so many of both types of people.
Absolutely. Like Sister dawn said, extremism of any belief can make things difficult. I would hope that a woman who has a generally bad opinion of men wouldn't enter into a relationship with one, but you never know.
I think I am starting to get what Jessie is driving at. An ex of mine said he believed in the equality of women. And yet he was completely hung up on what he considered chivalry: would never go into a door before me, always had to hold it open and let me enter first. Would never let me pay for anything. He would never start eating before I did, or order at a restaurant before me. He always said, "Ladies first," and would get mad if any male in the group ordered before all the women had. There were other things, but I can't think of more specifics as I type this. Point being, it drove me crazy. As far as I'm concerned, those things should be shared. I could hold doors for him, too. I could pay for dinner sometimes, too. Ordering in restaurants usually just goes around the table, in order of how people are sitting, not by gender.
I don't consider myself an extreme feminist by any means. I certainly have no ill will toward men. In fact, I think most of them are quite awesome. However, I do feel like the old-fashioned chivalry ultimately harkens back to the days when women were property, not people. So, I guess in that sense, my ex and my beliefs about gender, and what could be considered my feminism did get in our way. But believe me when I say that was the least of our problems, and the least of the things that broke us up. Added to that, it has never been a problem for me with any other man I've been with.
And, women can be just as bad. I can't stand it when the genders sit there and bash each other, and make these sweeping generalizations. I just think things should be shared between a couple, not divided along gender lines.
I like women to be women, but that doesn't mean they have to be prissy. Women have their natural role in a relationship and so do men. We should be equal in are togetherness, giving to one another to give not because it is the thing you do for women or the thing that men expect. I do agree that extremes will ruin a relationship and that goes on both sides. To manly a man is a bore and to prissy ofr a women is to difficult to live with. On the other hand a man that tries to prove he is a gentel as a women is silly and a women that wears pants, so to speak, not actually, is trying to prove something she's not naturally made fore. Allow nature to dictate and we as a couple to well.
yep. I can't stand it when either gender gives the other the traditional roles they used to have. Men shouldn't be afraid to cook, clean, and show emotion, and women shouldn't be afraid to pay for dinner sometimes, work for a living, and fix a car, if that's what she wants to do.
I agree with alicia. :)
Sister Dawn is right on the money here. Any extreme view could certainly ruin a relationship.
Women like Alicia prove there's hope yet for the human race. Such reasonableness is refreshing, to be honest.#JustSayin'.
Too much of anything is good for nothing, I say.
Give and take, this is life, in my opinion.
Raaj.
I agree. I laugh at gender related jokes all the time, but that's just it; jokes. If the person is serious, I really don't have time for it. We have our differences, yes, but no gender should be dominant, in my opinion.
Indeed, let's try to leave each other alone.
It depends on what version of feminism you're working from. I think sometimes when people hear "feminist" etc. they automatically jump to the extreme end of it. My 2 best friends in high school were feminists, but they weren't extremists.
For myself, I believe strongly in equality, and I wouldn't want to be with someone that didn't.
but how would you know they didn't unless they were open about it?
I think behavior would show it, just as it did with my ex. He said he believed in equality, but his behavior told me otherwise. I think, as one got to know their partner, their actions would say what their words might not.
Sadly, sometimes you just have to take a risk, and find these things out the hard way.
actions speak louder than words.
Yup, I've certainly heard that one. Often our actions speek for us because are words are a mask that we wear.
As has been previously stated, extremism can be bad for a relationship whether we're talking about feminism, religion, politics, or even nationalism I suppose. When you start generalising about groups in a negative light, whether it be gender, sexual orientation, political party affiliation etc, then problems can follow. Making/believing negative statements about an entire group is not productive. But, back to the topic at hand, I think that open and honest communication is important and both parties should be open to new ideas and should look at the other person as an individual and not jump to conclusions due to their gender. Equality is important, but, if someone has stereotypes about the other gender and blames the group as a whole for an incident in their life for example, then, perhaps that person should try to get a healthy balanced perspective on things before they are in a relationship.
I absolutely agree.
As do I. Well said.
I agree on equality. I think that there are gender roles and that nature itself supports them to some extent, but beyond that I don't see a reason to be stuck on superiority of any kind. By gender roles, by the way, I'm referring to simple facts about size and strength, just to name one; if a five-foot-nothing hundred-pound woman is trying to move a grand piano, I think she'd be silly to take offense if a man was able to help her (or do the job better)...and I equally think a man who would insist on driving that fact home purely for its own sake is heartless.
Along these lines, I once had a discussion with a female friend about women in higher positions of authority. The point was raised that a woman who is having her period is subjected to more hormone swings than the average man and, thusly, might be considered a greater risk. If you tell some people this, they'll just about spit fire! I'm not sure I agree with the sentiment to the extent that I'd bar a woman from achieving a higher standing over it, but it might sometimes bear consideration at least. One might be able to say the same of a man who, for one reason or another, is producing too much testosterone, of course, so I'm not trying to be one-sided on this.
Shepherdwolf I would probably be inclined to agree with your female friend about women in positions of higher authority. Whether it's the monthly cycle or something else I just find women to be more focused on petty problems and likely to let the really big problems get swept under the rug. I have a guy friend who characterizes his female manager as great for psychobabble, but absolutely scared to death to try any innovative solutions. IMO supervision and management jobs should be limited to males.
Are you familiar with studies about high testosterone males? This has been knowledge for years...at first such males are girl magnets, perhaps they have an easy time building muscle, the strong, prominent jaw, the masculine features & strenghth projected that attract women. Over time these men tend to lose in love to lower testosterone types. Turns out the high testosterone types are tempermentally unstable & often unable to stick with one job for a long time. In the end women pick tempermental & financial stability as ideal for marriage & raising children. Also a physician friend some years ago told me about a correlation between high serum testosterone levels & prostate cancer.
Wow talk about kicking around the forbidden fruit some more! Lol! While I wouldn't bar any woman from a higher position like this, I think their greatest means of combating the perception would be to not make excuse for one another's hormone cycles: No 'bad hair day' defenses excused in murder trials, no 'I was having my monthly's getting a woman a lighter sentence.
Not all males assume leader type roles in a relationship, and not all females assume a subservient one. So I'd hate to tie biology to rank. It's just imcumbent on women to figure out how to manage issues related to that, in order to qualify.
That's not restricted to women, it would apply to any of us in any number of circumstances, most of which don't have a culture of excuse-making to prohibit our abilities to innovate our way there.